By Captain Kapok
You have heard of Alby Burgin of Ocean Racing Fame
And of his Good Ship Rival that proudly bears his name
Well the tale I'm going to tell you I swear to you is true
Of the Biggest Bloody Sandwich that a bloke could ever chew
We were somewhere out from Surfers - 'Bout 30 miles from shore
In seas that looked like mountains, at 40 feet and more
I'd just had my fifteenth chunder when a head came from below
And said, "I'm 'bungin" on a bunga mate,
Could you give a feed a go?"
I'll admit to stomach weakness, but my constitutions fair
But this Cast Iron Bellied Burgin knew he had me by the hair
I'd been crook for 7 hours and wouldn't let it show
So I said, "You bet I'm hungry, I can give a feed a go!"
Well it wasn't many minutes and the smells began to rise
There was smells that smelled of bacon and one that smarts the eyes
There was one that smelled like urine and one that made me heave
And up HE came agrinnin' (and this you won't believe)
Held between his Greasy Fingers was a picture to behold
Four inches Thick of Blackened Bread with Lettuce Limp and Old
Tomato Sauce with Bacon Bits with Cheese and Eggs as well
And though I sat to Windward, I could barely stand the smell!
I said "OK I'll eat it if you give the thing a name"
But to tell them at the Inquest what I died of just the same
"Close your eyes", he said "and down it. You'll feel it hit the spot.
That the Famous Burgin Bacon Burger that you have got".
"It's an all-time cure of sickness if you're travellin' on a boat
The cheese will start dissolving and give your gut a coat.
The egg and bacon mixes and goes as hard as rock
And a chunder cannot shift it - it's solid as a Block
You'll find your tummy acid slowly eats the think away
It's a built-in sort of nourishment - you can live on it for days
So don't you knock my burger for when this voyage is done
You'll be healthy as a cricket and thankin' me my son!"
Well I've been home a fortnight and my Tummy's like a Rock
So the Missus rang this monin' for an appointment with the Doc
I think he'll have to Blast or Saw the Thing in Two
I hope he thinks of something to let the damn think through
It's the only way I'll lose it - I know it sure as day
'Cause the Burgin Bacon Buger Wont Come the Other Way.